Captain Obvious!
by TrueGriever
Summary: I think you can guess.


Captain Obvious!  
  
  
Dart, standing upon the edge of a cliff, beholds the glorious vista of a scintillating sunset. After a few more moments of inhaling the spectacular panorama he contently intones, "Oh, its getting dark."   
  
Suddenly an anomalous voice, the author, says "Thank you Captain Obvious!" Dart directs his gaze towards the heavens, shrugs, and then begins his decent from the mountain.   
  
  
Later.  
  
  
Dart is walking along the pathway of a forest when abruptly- Swish, Swoosh, Flash! A taint of beige against the forest jade emerges from amidst the shadows, performing the most extravagant display of acrobatics imaginable, defying all feasible capabilities for the human anatomy, as it sinuously twirls about. After some time of these lightning-like motions, the purple figure brusquely halted its performance, and landed directly across from Dart. Slightly taken aback, but not frightened, Dart looked the lavender garbed figure up and down. When realization struck Dart, as in after a few minutes, He exclaimed, "Oh, Haschel, you are here!"  
  
Once again, the mysterious voice cries out, "Thank you again, Captain Obvious!"  
  
The hoary headed martial artist stood dumbfounded for a long interlude, before finally replying, in a matter of fact tone, "Yes Dart, that's true, but the reason why I have come is to inform you that your home town is in danger" the last was discoursed through a desperate gasp.  
  
"Serdio!" replied Dart in his usual, clueless manner.  
  
"Yes Dart, it is facing imminent destruction", continued Hachel in his plea for Dart to assist his people.  
  
"They're under assault", said Dart, once again in his irking, naive fashion.  
  
"Yes Dart, we must hurry, or all those whom you love and cherish will be forever lost to the grave", this time the straining in Hachel's voice was more from irritation, rather than desperation.  
  
"Oh, I must hurry, or I shall lose everything that I love for all eternity", proclaimed Dart in a heroic, yet completely moronic voice.   
  
Through all this, the author is too staggered to be able to remark on the astonishing idiocy that Dart is displaying, he just simply has his mouth hanging open in utter, total shock.  
  
  
  
  
At the town of Serdio.  
  
Once they arrive at the city, they realize that they have come too late, for the entire town has already succumbed to the merciless oppression of fire and sword. After a few moments of beholding the horrific vista, Dart exclaims, "Oh no, the city is burning!"  
  
Somewhere in an alternate dimension, a young man is massaging his temples, his eyes having inadvertently taken in the unfolding of such sheer foolishness; he lets out a low groan of despondency.   
  
Back to the seen, our heroes are gawking about in bemused consternation, when suddenly, a sound of bloodcurdling fear pierces through their thin shield of mental alienation. Glancing in the direction from which the sound originated, the purple and scarlet pair now fully understand the purpose of that apprehensive yelp, for within the foyers of the clock tower stood Shana, trapped, suffocating, and facing an impending demise. Dart knew that he must act, for to vacillate would mean certain death for his beloved, but just before his audacious dash to the rescue, he fearfully intones, "She's trapped in the flames!"  
  
True Griever glares at the screen, his eyes beaming with belligerence as his mind races with thoughts of the many intricate methods he could utilize to inflict unspeakable harm upon this flaxen haired moron. However, at the moment, he is not capable of anything so mentally involved, Dart's resounding stupidity is that contagious, so he simply proceeds to beat his head on the confounded computer in frustration, BONK, BONK, BONK!  
  
His disposition resolute, our daring hero barrels toward the time keeping edifice with an unfathomable velocity, and then suddenly, but not so surprisingly, he stops just under the door mantle and says, Time's running out!" Having made this inexplicably retarded remark, our "hero" proceeds to enter the smoldering structure to save his beloved.   
  
Will our hero save his beloved, will the ever-approaching flames consume her, and will poor True Griever be able to find the aspirin before Dart's contagious stupidity effects him permanently? Find out in the next edition of Captain Obvious! 


End file.
